Long time....

I havent been on here in a minute. Its been months and so many things have changed, some are still the same, some are evolving.....


One thing that has changed for me is my approach in dealing with situations and people. I've come to realize that being passive will NOT take you anywhere. Yeeeuuuuppp, I just said that. Its a cold, cold, cold world. A world where only the STRONG survives. I had a very innocent way of looking at life. Very happy, positive, "hippy-like" perspective on life. I used to have faith in people (Slap me), I used to be kind, I used to be gentle, I used to be the person that will drop everything to aid another person. I used to have a big heart. Each and everywhere time I do these things, I get shitted on.

I'm tired. Tired of being tired.

I'm afraid that the hardships and the dissappoints of life is turning me into a monster......

Sistas, friends, family, foes....If you are reading this...know that I tried to resist. Know that I tried to combat negativity with positivity. Know that I tried to combat sadness with happiness. Know that I tried to combat lies with truths. I tried to combat fakeness with realness. Know that I always motivated the unmotivated. Know that I tried to be the best friend that I can be. Know that I, simply, tired to do the *BEST* that I can. I tried to lead. I tried to learn. I tried, I tried, I tried. But, quite frankly, I'm tired of trying. I am no longer going to try.....

I lost hope...

But then my true self kicks in....Furiously fighting, fighting, fighting. Fighting to be free. To rid itself of this foreigner, this alien thats trying to take over. Its a WAR. A very brutal war. And I'm just watching. I dont know whom I support.

Sometimes, I want to stop the war...But I dont know how to. I dont know how to. Should I make both sides sign a peace treaty? Giving them the option of power sharing? But then I realized that one side ( the monster) always gets greedy.....which leads to war with self . Self refuses to be cheated. Self hates war.....Self just wants to be freeeeeeeeeee. Self wants to experience life and all its fruits.

I think self's issue is not understanding that struggle and pain is part of life. It comes with the territory. Sometimes you lose. But in the face of a defeat....dont lose the lesson.

But I'm trying....Sorry, I tired. But its hard. Its overwhelming...

Growing pains,
Melyssa